Imagine the following scenario: You receive an early morning call from a friend who is stranded in a parking lot. Fortunately, your partner is able to get your friend’s car started and driven to a location where it can be evaluated while you drive your friend to work. Your friend thanks you and on his way out of the car he says in annoyance, “There’s always something that will go wrong!”
Can you relate? I can!
Most of us have automatic thoughts that are not so helpful. Our thoughts influence our emotions and can lead to unpleasant feelings, including, but not limited to: anxiety, sadness, anger, and guilt. For example, your friend’s thoughts could possibly lead to irritation, sadness, and/or hopelessness.
The reverse is true too! Our thoughts can influence pleasant feelings and moods. If we want to change how we feel, we must first change how we think.
Try these five steps during the next week and notice the power of your mind to influence how you feel.
1. Notice Your Thoughts
On average, our mind thinks between 50,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day or between 35 and 48 thoughts per minute. Wow!
Often we operate on autopilot and do not take the time to notice what our mind is saying to us, which apparently is a lot! To change your thoughts, you must first be aware of what your mind is saying to you. For the next week, be on a “thought-finding mission” and notice the thoughts that pop up for you.
2. Write Your Thoughts Down
Keep a thought journal and write your thoughts down. The simple acts of stepping back, observing your thoughts, and writing them down often reduces their power. More times than not, we recognize the unrealistic nature of our thoughts once written down.
3. Examine the Evidence for the Thought
Next, consider the evidence for and against a thought that contributes to an unpleasant feeling. Imagine that your thought is on trial and you can only use tangible evidence to either confirm or disconfirm your belief. If you are able to identify evidence that disconfirms your belief, your thought is habitual in nature, not factual.
4. Replace the Old Thought
Now that you have considered the evidence against your thought, replace it with a new one that better fits the evidence.
5. Interrupt the Habit
Our thoughts are habitual in nature and will pop up many times throughout the day. Notice when your thoughts show up and replace them with your new thoughts. Changing your thoughts is much like building a new skill. The more you practice, the better you get.
“As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.”
~Wilfred Arlan Peterson
A New Way of Thinking and Feeling
Imagine with me for a moment if your friend observed his unhelpful thought and evaluated it in light of the following evidence: his car broke down in a parking lot, rather than on the highway at a stoplight, and that someone was up early in the morning to answer his call and able to drive him to work, and that his friend’s partner was able to get the car started and driven to a safe location for further evaluation.
If he had attended to this data instead, he might have formed the following alternative thought, “Given the circumstances, everything went right!” Imagine the power of that thought on his feelings! Instead of irritation, sadness, and hopelessness, he might feel gratitude, joy, and comfort.
